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Thursday, 25 December 2014

My Thank You List for 2014

Well, I have not really put a lot of effort into this blog bar putting up some of the poems I have written up so I decided with 2015 knocking on the door I would try and put a little more up on here.
So with my first attempt, I thought I would just thank the people that have been involved in my life this year.

The first group I want to thank is my family, collectively we have had a lot of tough times this year, but together we have got through everything as it hit us and we are all still here.
This year has shown me that through thick and thin your family will always to be there to love and support you regardless of the situations you find yourself (Or in some cases get yourself) in.
I can honestly admit that while I know that I am always willing to help and be there for my family, I never appreciated how powerful and meaningful it is to have the support of the people we call family.
I want to thank everyone in my family for everything you have done for me, I am truly grateful for all of you and can honestly tell you that I would not be the person I am today without your support.

The second group to thank is my friends.
Thank you to all my friends both old and new, I have met some great people in my life that have supported me with all the stuff I have gone through this year it really means a lot to me to have all of you here with me on my journey.
I am quite a shy person, to begin with, and keep a lot to myself as a way to protect me and thank you to everyone who has stuck around with me until I get comfortable enough to be who I honestly am.
 On that note thank you to all of you who stuck with me after finding out what an oddball I actually am.
They say that you can tell who a person actually is by the people they surround themselves with and I think that I could not have a better group of people to call my friends.
I am so grateful for all of you and cannot begin to explain the impact you have all had on my life, and I will always aim to be the best possible friend I can be to all of you.

The last person I want to thank is my ex.
I wish things between us now were different and I could still call you my best friend but hopefully in time maybe one day we can be friends again.
I want to thank you for all the times we had together, I truly loved all the memories we made both big and small.
I’m not sure if you know, but I have never opened up to anyone like I opened up to you, I showed you the real me both good and bad.
I wish I could go back and change some of the things I did as I know I wasn't always the best person to you.
I had/have a habit of wanting or needing to be right all the time, and if I can take anything away from what I have learnt this year, it is that I am not always right.
I can’t force my point of view onto others as it is only my opinion and everyone else has the right to convey their own views on life.
I want you to know part of me will always love and care for you, and I am so happy and proud to say that I had you in my life.
You are a fantastic person that is so full of life, and I hope that all your wishes and goals in life come true.
I know the odds of you ever seeing or reading this is slim to none but I would like you to know that I truly appreciate everything we had and everything that you did for me and everything I have learnt from you.

This is all I have for this post, and I hope that if anyone actually reads this that they stop and take stock of the journey they call their life and thank the people that help us on the paths we walk.



Standing here staring at you
I’m feeling so numb
I cannot explain why I feel the way I do
This way I feel about you

I never stop thinking about you
You invade my every thought and dream
Looking beautiful as always
Just the thought of you makes me smile

I know we will only be friends
And I must brush this off and move on
But in my dreams things are different
The way I want them to be

Your smile gets me through the hardest times
Your eyes light my world when it is at its darkest
Your very presence helps me be a better person

The person I want to be, the person with you

(Written 2005)

Im Sorry

I’m Sorry

I sit here, my life fading away
Memories spilling to the floor with my blood
As darkness devours me, I think of you
I’m Sorry

I wish I had been honest
Treated you with respect
I should have just confessed
I’m Sorry

My life went so dark the day I lost you
And I have only myself to blame
My life was just one big lie
I’m Sorry

As I sit here with this blade in my hand
I try to talk myself out of this
But the darkness has consumed me entirely
I’m Sorry

(Written 2004)

Friday, 7 November 2014

No Back Up Plan

No Back Up Plan

I thought it was us against the world
Through thick and thin we would be strong
But you were looking over your shoulder
Ready to jump to another

I wanted it all, to show you the world
But you threw it all away without a second thought
Maybe I wanted too much
And pushed you to the ledge

I wish things were different
That we were still one
Making plans for our future
Plans with the love of my life

How do you see this working out
Maybe when it falls apart with him
You may reach out to me again
But I’m no backup plan

(Written 2014)

Monday, 16 June 2014


Standing here staring at you
I’m feeling so numb
I cannot explain why I feel the way I do
This way I feel about you

I never stop thinking about you
You invade my every thought and dream
Looking beautiful as always
Just the thought of you makes me smile

I know we will only be friends
And I must brush this off and move on
But in my dreams things are different
The way I want them to be

Your smile gets me through the hardest times
Your eyes light my world when it is at its darkest
Your very presence helps me be a better person
The person I want to be, the person with you

(Written 2008)

To You

You are friendly, kind and caring
Sensitive, Loyal and understanding
Humorous, fun, secure and true
Always there, yes that’s you

Special, accepting, exciting and wise
Truthful and helpful with honest eyes
Confiding, forgiving, cheerful and bright
Yes that’s you, not one bit of spite

Your one of a kind, different from the other
Generous, charming but not one that smothers
Optimistic, thoughtful, happy and game
But not just another in the chain

Appreciative, warm and precious like gold
Our friendship won’t tarnish or ever grow old
You’ll always be there, I know that is true

I’ll always be here, always for you

(Written 2007)

Story of my Life

I don't know why I do this
But every time I do
Falling for girls I can't have
And now it's your turn

I know we would never happen
If anyone asked why I would just show them you
You are in your own league well above mine
Too good to be involved with the likes of me

And what do you think of me?
I am not sure but I can imagine
No doubt as a friend only
The story of my life

I wish I could have you as my girl
However this will never be
I will have to get over this and move on

Same as I always do

(Written 2005)

Myself and I

You see me as the chubby man
Always trying to make you laugh
Smiling and constantly in high spirits
Devoted to his friends and family till the end

I see this obese man staring back at me
Sick and tired of caring anymore
Two people sharing the same body and soul
But with opposing views

One side wants to continue down this pathway
Not changing, always staying this way
Letting my anger get the best of me
Living and dying alone

The other side wishes to modify my ways
Extend my life by losing weight
Build myself worth up
And find something to live for

Which side of me will triumph in this struggle
I'm not sure; I can only play the waiting game
My fingers crossed that good will prevail
And let me be happy again

(Written 2005)


We are born honest and pure
Raised to be our best
To provide for our loved ones
And live life to its potential

We spend our lives aiming to please
To make ourselves look better in others eyes
Getting pushed into a life we don’t want or love
Into a world of darkness

Gone is our honesty
Stuck wishing we had listened
To the person inside of us
What would you change if you could?

If we could turn back time
Would you follow your heart?
And do what you love
And live in the light

I sit here wondering why
We get pushed to be what were not
When if we had followed our hearts
We would end up where we started

Being Honest and Pure

(Written 2007)

My Last Goodbye

An Angel visited me in my sleep
She told me today would be my last day
One tiny day to complete everything
So here I am with my last goodbye

So many things to do in such a short spell
All the people I have to thank
My Mum for supporting my strange ideas
My Dad for keeping me aground

Secret loves I have to confess
Clean my soul of all its filth
Years of untold secrets spilt
I want to leave knowing my place

I have to tell my family I love them so
Tell them how much they mean to me
Thank my friends for always being there
Years full of feelings exposed on my last day
An Angel has come to take me away from here

To enjoy an eternity of nothingness

(Written 2000)

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Thank You

The dark cloud over my head has risen
The future looks bright from here
No longer angry and bitter
And for this I Thank You

You showed me that my life wasn’t over
That I still had a lot to share
To love and be loved
And for this I Thank You

The smile I wear is no longer fake
And now I walk with purpose
The pain I’m feeling is fading
And for this I Thank You

You have been there for me
Listening to my problems
Offering advice and never judging
And for this I Thank You

I am not sure how to repay you
Except with love and kindness
To treat you how you have treated me
And for this I Thank You

(Written 2010)


I can't shake this feeling inside me
Darkness and anger everywhere I see
How is it that I love you so much
Yet I can't seem to trust you

Everything is just a bigger and more blatant lie
Why is the truth so hard for you
All I want is to know where I stand
But as usual I have no clue

Hearing you say the same tired lies
Pushes me closer to the edge
Just start being honest with me
Before I lose all sense of faith

Please learn to be truthful
See how it can open your world
Let honest and caring people into your heart
So you can stop breaking mine

(Written 2008)

Mother and Child

Birth of a long time dream
Creation of a Mother – Child team
Emotions are so remarkable high
Pain so bad it makes you cry

Love standing tall and proud like a Lion

Teenagers come quickly with no warning
Love – Hate feeling that is so annoying
Respect is there but not always shown
Hardships are tough but sometimes blown

Respect is greater and appears more often

Death of a Mother arrives all of a sudden
Emotion are high but may be hidden
Pain cuts deep as a knife

Departure of such a love filled life

(Written 2000)


You have always been there for me
Offering advice for everything I do
Hardly judging what I choose to do
Supporting me no matter what

There were testing times
When I thought you were being unfair
But you always said you loved me
And I always believed you

We had so much time, just you and me
I think that's why we are so close
It hurts me to see Shawn treat you like he does
After everything you have done for us

I hope I have made you proud
And I will try to continue doing so
As long as we stay close
What more could a son ask for?

(Written 2009)

Sonny Fai 20/03/88 – 4/01/09

A life full of such hope and promise
Swept away in one quick moment
Throwing away caution to help those close
Risking it all for a loved one

A loyal servant to his family and beliefs
Dedicated to his profession and proving his ability
A legend in the making until the carpet was pulled
A family waiting for their boy to return

Loved by many for his actions on game day
Admired for his attitude and way of life
Gave his all in everything he did
But out nothing before his family

A true Warrior in every meaning
We have lost a treasured soul
With no way of replacing him
I hope he has found peace

(Written 2009)


If there is one thing clear in this world
It is how I feel about you
No matter how much I hate the world
I will always be there for you

You are my little angel
Always able to make me smile
Calm me down when I’m in a rage
And you always show me your love

I feel like we are so alike
Wish I got to see you more
You’re growing up so fast
How much longer will you be my baby sister

I hope you still show your love
When you get to that teenage stage
I will watch on with pride
As my angel becomes a woman

(Written 2009)


I don't know what to say to you
No matter what I do you stay the same
Still getting in trouble and showing disrespect
Treating our mother like she doesn’t mean shit

I know you haven't had the best the life
A father who treated you like shit
Kicked you in the dirt when you needed him
But we are still here for you

You have experienced losses that I could never imagine
And you're always trying to appear strong
However no matter what happens down the track
You will always be my baby brother

I wish I knew how to help you
And get your life back on tack
Show you that you have something to live for
Your family wants you back

If I was in your shoes, this is what I would do
To turn your life around for the better
Treat your mother with the love and respect she deserves
And be nice to your sisters before you lose them for good

Get rid of the drugs and clear your head
Focus on the friends and family you still have
And live the life you were meant to live
With the people who love you

I hope you take notice of what I have said
And start to turn your life around
Do us all proud with your future endeavours
And prove your father wrong

(Written 2009)


The oldest of all my sisters
You are just like Mum
Stubborn and determined to do it your way
A real up yours attitude that I love

No longer a baby, you’re growing up so fast
Bringing boys and troubles into your world
I hope you can stay on the straight and narrow
And don't make any mistakes you would regret

I love you with all my heart
But sometimes I feel distant from you
Wish I had got to watch you grow up more
The clock however doesn’t turn back

I can't wait for you to finish growing up
So I can see where you end up
What will you become
Only you can decide

(Written 2009)


How would I describe you Zoe?
I feel that you are the most like me
You flip moods just as quick as me
Anger always there ready to blow

I see an interest in sport in your head
The only other one so far in our clan
You’re more athletic than I ever could have been
But I will be there to help you get to the top

What is your future? I’m not sure
I hope you continue with sport
And let me live through you
If not, as long as you’re happy, I will be

I love you heaps but I don't know if I tell you enough
Know that all the boys will be chasing you
Shawn and I will weed out the scum
You deserve someone that treats you right

(Written 2009)

F**k You

I stand here my Heart open to see
And you go behind my back to make fun of me
I tell you my hopes and dreams
And then you rip them apart at the seams
F**k You

I tried to be a loving friend
And it seems all you is pretend
I sit and listen to all your strife
But you don’t give a shit about my life
F**k You

I don’t know why it has gone this way
Not sure what is right to say
Sitting there with your face so cold
I hope I’m not like you when I get old
F**k You

I’ve had it up to here with you shit
It’s been eating at me bit by bit
Will try anything to get this back on track
Will I ever get my best friend back?
F**k You

I hope you can sought out your shit
And start to be my friend a bit
Then my trust you can regain
But then again
F**k You

(Written 2008)


I’m sitting here at a new crossroad
Unsure of what to say or what to do
Uncertain I can carry this load
Confused about the way I feel about you

What happened with us flew by in a blur
Didn’t expect you to walk into my life
For these feelings of mine to occur
But now it has ended and I’m in strife

You pulled the brakes and said we need to stop
That you needed to heal and learn to trust
Friendship is all I can have until your back on top
But I need you in my life that is a must

How do I want this story to finally end
Hopefully with you back in my arms once again
However if not I will always remain your friend
But if that is all I can have my heart will strain

(Written 2012)