A Perception of Perfection

I recently read about a study that was published in an issue of the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry by the University of Montreal that suggests that compulsive behaviours like biting your nails, eye lash pulling and other repetitive body focused behaviours can point towards perfectionism as an underlying cause.

In this study, these people were generally impatient, got bored or frustrated easily.

This sparked my interest because I nail bite and pull my eyelashes, and I'm also very impatient and frustrated very easily.

I can't sit still for very long, and if I have nothing I can do to keep my mind busy, I tap my foot almost uncontrollably.

I have spent years struggling with my attempts to attain my perception of perfection.
Like most (If not all) people in the world, I do not like losing, be it in sport or life in general.
I know I go too far in the wrong way when it comes to this, however (I have friends that could tell the story of when we were playing golf on my PlayStation, and I had a hole where I kept going into the water and it frustrated me to the point where I broke my standing fan much to their delight as they thought it was pretty amusing).

I have been working on my issues with this, and I feel like I'm getting better; I still fidget and lose my mind when I'm stuck in situations I don't like.

I think, in some form, we are all perfectionists, and I don't believe it is that bad of a thing; we just need to understand that perfection is an unattainable goal, but if we can aim to be better than we were yesterday, the world would be a better place.

I stopped writing my novel and on here because everything I wrote wasn't perfect, and I decided to just give up.

Giving up is the worst thing any of us can do; giving up on anything (Writing, sport, relationships, etc.) is the easy way out of any situation, and we can learn a lot more from trying to get through and make the best of every situation we find ourselves in.

One of my goals going into 2016 is to actually complete my novel (And write more on here) because I cannot become a better writer and person if I just give up before I finish.

My last message doesn't let your version of perfection get in the way of being a good productive member of society.

Aim to be a better version of yourself today than the person you were yesterday, and do not give up on the things in your life, be it your job, hobbies, or people in your life; most importantly, never give up on yourself.

Jonah 1975 – 2015

To be honest I never thought I would be writing about this (At least not for a long time).

We as a nation have lost the third All Black prematurely this year with Jonah Lomu joining Jerry Collins and Norm Berryman on this unfortunate list.

Before I start I just want to say that my love goes out to all of the friends and family of these men that were taken too soon.

Jonah’s passing hit me harder than I thought it would, when I heard the news I did not believe it nor did I want to believe it to be true.

In the past few weeks we have all heard the stories of the man he was off the field and also the highlights and statistics he had on the field.

I listen to radio sport every day on my way to and from work and as you would expect Jonah’s news took over the radio, people were calling and talking about their memories about the man and one thing I heard a lot as that so many of these people that he had impacted never got the chance to watch him play live.

It wasn’t until I heard this that I realised how lucky I was to be able to watch Jonah play live for Counties, Auckland Blues, Waikato Chiefs, Wellington Hurricanes, Wellington Lions and of course the All Blacks.

I still remember it as if it was yesterday sitting on the grass with my Dad at Pukekohe watching my favourite Rugby player playing for my local team.

In those days we had a few school visits from Jonah and I remember how he made me feel like we were mates and that I wasn’t just some little kid that he needed to get rid of so he could leave, he truly made it seem that he has all the time in the world for you.

If it wasn’t for Jonah, dare I say I may not have fallen in love with sport like I have, he was a kid from South Auckland like me and he had become this superstar.

I had someone to look up too and hope to emulate (Except for the fact that my sporting talent was always seriously lacking).

I fast forward past all those years to my early twenties and Jonah had recently had a Kidney transplant and was on the path of trying to make a comeback to rugby.

Through a family friendship with his wife at the time I use to get updates on how he was going and I was hoping like hell that he would get a chance to wear his black jersey again, at this point in time I was quite large and he would give me boxes of his old clothes just because he had so much already and I needed some clothes to fit me properly.

I never got the proper opportunity  thank him for that until I got him to sign a copy of his book for me at the mall and he actually remembered my name, that single thing put me on cloud nine for the longest time.

In this country, I don’t think we ever truly realised the man we had until he was gone, the rest of the world loved him so much and you could just see that by the reaction he got wherever he went.

We may have won the last two World Cups but the moments from each of those cups that made me proud were seeing him centre field at the opening ceremony at Eden Park and then a few months ago when he lead a Haka n England.

Jonah you are an inspiration o me and if I am a quarter of the man you are when I am laid to rest I will be happy.

It saddens me that you never got to get to your boys 21^st like you had hoped but they will always feel your love from above.

You have shown me how we really cannot take things for granted, we do not know when our last day will be so we need to do our best every day to make the most of it and cherish and love the people not only in our lives but people in general.

I vow to never take the things I have for granted in my life again and this is a promise I make to my one true sporting hero.

You changed rugby and you touched so many people’s lives and I am so thankful to have been able to say that I got to watch the Great Jonah play.

The world has truly lost a humble giant and there will never be another like you.

Rest in peace Jonah, thank you for everything. 

My 2015 Warriors Season Review

Well, I feel enough time has passed for me to be able to look back and review the Vodafone Warriors 2015 season.

Now this is all just my view an opinion and since I have not done this sort of thing before I think the way I will do it is to start with my opinion on the season as a whole followed on then by my positives from the season, my negatives from the season and then finish it off with my top three Warriors for the season as well as my 3 biggest letdowns for the season (Again all just my opinion).

So let’s get into it.

My take on 2015

Before the season started, I felt confident that the Warriors would finally get back into playoff football and even though they did not go through and win the Auckland Nines I saw enough from the team to think they had the goods.

Sam Tomkins looked like he was finally getting into the NRL Groove (bar starting the Nines tournament later due to illness), Ryan Hoffman and Bodene Thompson both looked solid, and Solomona Kata crashed onto the scene and gave the Warriors another strong attacking option.

All the confidence I had in the team took a hit with a first round loss to the Newcastle Knights, they followed that loss with inconsistency as they alternated between wins and losses until round 15.

From Round 15 the media hype and fan confidence started to come back as the Warriors put wins back to back (As well as a well-timed bye round) over the Gold Coast Titans, Canberra Raiders and Melbourne Storm (The infamous Nathan Friend back flip try game).

This put the Warriors into fourth place, and they were on the way to the playoffs until the next round when reality came knocking with a 24-0 loss to the Sydney Roosters.
This loss was the beginning of the end as the Warriors lost their remaining eight games of the season almost running the risk of winning the Wooden Spoon for the first time in the team’s history.

Yes, injuries did hit the Warriors hard, in round 25 alone they had eight top tier players out with injury including Shaun Johnson who at times was the only spark on attack, but looking at the stats they were not performing.

The Warriors finished the season with 268 errors which was the third worst in the competition, they were also third worst in the competition for completions.

If you are making that many errors and cannot complete your sets, you will not be playing finals football.

This season was a failure, and they showed that although they have exciting talent coming through the lower grades that talent is no good unless you fine tune the basics.

In saying that though the young talent can learn from this season and hopefully it makes them better in the long term.

My positives from the season

Not too many positives in my opinion except for the young talent that came through.

Solomona Kata, Tuimoala Lolohea, Sam Lisone and Albert Vete all came into the side and held their own with the big boys, and I believe all four of these players will be significant contributors to this team for the foreseeable future.

My Negatives for the season

Well, where do I start?

The basics were not there, not completing sets, bad defence, silly last play options all equal poor performance.

You can have the most talented team in the world, but if you cannot keep hold of the ball, you will go nowhere fast.

I also feel in my opinion that there was not enough leadership in the team, with the number of rookies they had on the field the more experienced players needed to step up and lead this team and I just don’t think they did enough.

My top 3 Warriors for the season

Before I name my three players, I just want to mention players that were close to making my list.

Solomona Kata, Charlie Gubb, Mason Lino, Sam Lisone and Albert Vete.

3. Tuimoala Lolohea – This kid has a future in the NRL, he gave his all regardless of the position he was asked to fill, Fullback, Winger, Centre and Half, and he did his best no matter what.

I believe that he will eventually wind up pairing with Shaun Johnson in the halves in what could be the most exciting halves combination in the NRL.

2. Bodene Thompson – Now I can admit that when the Warriors announced Bodene as a signing, I was unsure what he would bring to the side in an already second-row abundant squad.

But Bodene brought some solid performances to the club, Hard no frills running, constant tackling and just simply hard grafting which the Warriors sorely need.

1. Ben Matulino – Once again Big Ben rose to the top of this team.

Offloads, Big Tackles and lots of metres every week.

We now come to expect this level of performance from Ben, and hopefully, the rest of the team will catch on and perform in the same manner.

My 3 Biggest Letdowns of the season

My unfortunate mentions for this category are Sebastine Ikahihifo, Chad Johnson (After Shaun’s injury) and Konrad Hurrell.

3. Sione Lousi – Sione just was not here this season in the games he played, simply put he was flat and lazy.

2. Sam Tomkins – Well after a pretty average performance last season a lot of fans were hoping that this season would be the break out season for Sam but alas he was not in any form worthy of the NRL.
Injuries did not help him but I was very disappointed that Sam did not come back from his injuries and have the impact we were expecting from him.

Also on a separate note Sam taking his toys and going home (or being homesick as he said) was a horrible way for his NRL career to end, but at least the silver lining in his exit is that the Warriors were able to sign Roger Tuivasa-Sheck.

1. Simon Mannering (As a Captain) – First things first Simon is a great player and has played very consistently over the years for the Warriors.

My issue this year is that as a captain he was not on his game when I watched games where the Warriors were under the pump any footage of Simon in the huddle under the goal posts show him being silent.

Yes, he is meant to be the quiet follow me leader, but you need to find your voice and talk to your team, Simon!

If I were in charge, I would be giving the captain job to Ryan Hoffman or Issac Luke, respected players who are not afraid to talk.

In Summary

So, in summary, the Warriors started inconsistently, had a shot at playoffs and then fell off the wagon.

Inconsistency is something we as Warriors fans have come to expect from this team of late, but hopefully, 2016 will bring bigger or better things.

Stats – Played 24 matches, Won 9 matches, Lost 15 matches

             Home record – 5 wins, 7 losses

             Away record – 4 wins, 8 losses

With the 2015 season done I will start writing about the 2016 season developments, and then when the season starts again in February, I will start writing a weekly report reviewing the team performance each round.

Fingers crossed those will be happy reports.

Lack of Professionals?

A rather shocking comment was made recently by Jim Doyle when discussing recent coaching rumours at the Vodafone Warriors.
Jim advised that the Warriors problems are not the coaching (Which I agree with) or the club culture issue (I'm not sure I agree with that).
The problem is that in his opinion the Warriors currently only have five or six players that he deems professional enough to be NRL players in regards to their skills, attitudes and work ethic.

This actually is a horrible statistic, and if I had to pick the five or six players I guess I would say in my opinion (As I can only judge from what I can see on the field and in the media as I do not see them at training) the players most likely are...

1. Simon Mannering
2. Ryan Hoffman
3. Shaun Johnson
4. Nathan Friend
5. Jacob Lillyman
6. Manu Vatuvei

Now I could be wrong with this list, but these are the first six names that pop into my head.
Now with the current clean out of some of the squad, it appears that Jim Doyle and the rest of the Warriors Office are looking at getting rid of all the dead weight.
With the signings they have made for 2016 there are more professionals in Issac Luke, Roger Tuivasa-Sheck, Blake Ashford and Jeff Robson.
In Issac and Roger you have two very talented Kiwi players who have been developed in Australia, and then Blake has also been established in the Australian programmes, these programmes instil a professionalism that perhaps we haven't been able to provide for our young players.
Lastly with the signing of Jeff Robson.
We have a bonafide veteran half, now yes he most likely will not be playing a lot of minutes in the Warriors top side but he will be there to pass on his experience and knowledge to not only our young players in general but also to our halves Shaun Johnson, Thomas Leuluai and most importantly Tuimoala Lolohea.
If the 2015 season showed us anything, it was that if/when Thomas and more specifically Shaun get injured the halves fell apart.
Chad Townsend was having a good season up until Shaun's injury, then the pressure of being the key playmaker was on his shoulders, and he crumpled.
If the same thing happens next season having a player like Jeff would instil more confidence in me that this team can continue to perform.

In regards to the rest of the side, I hope that they have taken Jim's words on board and come into preseason training with the right attitude because Jim is showing that he is not running a charity if you do not meet the standards he has set for this club you need to look elsewhere.
A special mention is required from me to Konrad Hurrell, please do not come to pre-season training overweight again, you are my personal favourite player, and if you get your head in the game and show up fit and rearing to go, you will be back to being the centre teams genuinely fear to play.

I am always blindly optimistic when it comes to this team but management has compiled a great squad, and they can longer just hope to make the top eight, the Warriors need to entrench themselves as a consistent force in the NRL.

That's it for now, but I will be uploading my review of the 2015 season very soon so watch this space.

Coach Rumors Again?

Well after another disappointing season has come and gone the rumours of a new coach coming to the Vodafone Warriors have surfaced again.
This time the coach to be is claimed to be Stephen Kearney the current Kiwis coach and Brisbane Broncos assistant coach.
Warriors CEO Jim Doyle has come out and insisted that these rumblings are just merely rumours and that Andrew McFadden is going to continue to be the coach going forward and that they are still looking at bringing in a mentor to assist Andrew much like John Hart did with Ivan Cleary during his coaching run with the team.

Now some fans and media alike have questioned the lack of faith in McFadden's coaching ability since the Warriors feel the need to search for a mentor for him, but I see it from another angle.
In my opinion, I see Jim Doyle looking at Andrew McFadden as a long term coach for this side and to make it a success he is investing in his choice.
Also, I think many people forget that this season was Andrews first official full season as a Head Coach in the NRL there is no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater just yet.
The Warriors management gave Ivan Cleary time to settle and mould the squad to his liking and turn them into a team that made the Grand Final in his last year as their coach.

Now it's true that Andrew may not be the man to turn this club around, but he needs and deserves to have more than a season and a half to prove if he is actually capable.
Now if the coach being rumoured at taking over was a "Super Coach" (Wayne Bennett or Craig Bellamy spring to mind) my opinion may be completely different, but I believe Stephen Kearney would be a step to the side or a step back for the Warriors right now.
I am willing to let Andrew continue as coach.
The 2016 season will be his first season with a squad full of players he wants and if/when they sign a mentor (Graham Lowe has been mentioned, and I think he would be a fantastic option) to help him fine tune his coaching style we will actually see if he has the ability to turn this team around but as the saying goes time will tell.

Jim Doyle made some other interesting comments when discussing the above rumour but due to what he said and my feelings on it I have a bit to say so I will talk about that on my next piece.
So until then if you have any comments about my thoughts on her let me know as I'm happy to talk about it and share this around to your friends.

Talk Later

A Need to Vent about my Warriors

I've taken a few weeks to think things over before writing this as I wanted to have a less emotional response.

A little over a month ago I was in the process of writing about the Vodafone Warriors, and how I was getting a sense of Déjà vu in the way, they were tracking this season and similar it was to the 2011 season when they made it all the way to the Grand Final.

However, before I even finished my research for the piece, the Warriors went from being in the fourth position seven to eight weeks ago to now losing six games in a row.
Including three embarrassing thrashings from the Sydney Roosters who beat them 24-0, the St George Dragons who beat them 36-0 and then the most recent game, a loss to the North Queensland Cowboys 50-16.
This loss I think hurt me as a fan more as the Warriors were leading 16-0 fourteen minutes into the game and then just collapsed.

Now I can admit that I am a Warrior's tragic, I have a wardrobe filled with Warriors jerseys, Warriors posters and artwork grace the walls of my bedroom and makeshift man cave garage and that’s all before I even mentioned the Warriors tattoo that I have on my leg.

I love this team and have done so since I was a five-year-old watching their first season back in 1995.
I have always defended the Warriors, but there has to be a point where we as fans stop blaming the injury count, the ref calls and every other excuse we come up with and start to question what is going wrong with the Vodafone Warriors.

Yes they have had injuries (Currently seven players are our injured) and losing Shaun Johnson has not helped their cause but injuries happened, and every other team in the NRL is dealing with injuries too.

The management and coaching staff need to have plans set in place for injuries it just seems to make common sense doesn't it?

Too many times this season and seasons past the Warriors have put players in unfamiliar positions.
Yes, I admit sometimes it has worked (Jerome Ropati being out at fullback and playing the best he had in year’s springs to mind) but more often than not it hasn't worked out, so they need to stop.

I have heard and read from other fans screaming for Andrew McFadden’s head and wanting the Warriors to hire another coach, I believe that this will not fix the problem; it will only continue the Warriors down the path of mediocrity.

I want to judge Andrew on his performance as a coach next season as it will be the first season he has had in charge with a squad completely full with players that he wants.

I have heard that the Warriors are looking at bringing an advisor in to assist Andrew with the on field operations of the club much like John Hart did with Ivan Cleary.
John Hart has been mentioned to do the role again as well as Tim Sheens, an experienced person like that may be the crucial cog needed to get this team back on track, so I hope that this idea comes to fruition.

I hate to always be thinking ahead to the next season instead of looking forward to the playoffs but this season is gone for the Warriors so next season and beyond is all I have.

Reading and listening to interviews from Andrew McFadden and Jim Doyle and hearing their stories about how bad the Warriors structure and attitudes were when they arrived at the club shocked me.
Now I wanted Wayne Scurrah gone from the club for a long time but hearing how bad the actually was behind the scenes I am surprised he managed to keep his job for as long as he did and I am not surprised that the Warriors have not performed well for years.

Hearing about players routinely arriving late to training and arriving to preseason unfit and overweight is just unprofessional.
I went back to playing myself this year, and I was driving from my job 60-70 Kilometers to my old club for training's, and I was never late to training or game, and I don’t even get paid.

This is their job, in fact, they have a job that myself and countless others would die to have; they get paid to play a sport.

I know if I arrived late to my job consistently and arrived not in the state my work expected me to be in, I would be on my way out.

It seems that this is now happening with some of the Warriors squad with at present 12 team members leaving/being released at the end of the season.

A clean out and kick in the ass is a great start to a new era in the Warriors history.

2016 I want to say is going to be a turn in fortune for this team I love, they have two excellent signings coming in Roger Tuivasa-Sheck and Isaac Luke.

If Andrew and Jim can install their vision of a good attitude into the club and add a few more tweaks (Namely in my opinion a new captain as Simon Mannering is a good performer for the club but not a good captain).
 The Warriors could finally become the one thing that is needed to be classed as a successful franchise.

Consistency

That is enough from me in my attempt at venting but in my next piece I will take a deeper look into the 2015 season and give my opinion on the top performers and biggest letdowns for the season.

All I can say in closing is that there is enough at the Warriors club for me to “Keep the Faith” as they say but the effort needs to be put in now if 2016 and beyond are going to be successful.

My Constant Struggle

I started toying with an idea a few years ago and started attempting to write a book.
After jumping in and getting around 3000 words in I hit a wall and I just stopped writing.
Days of not writing became weeks which grew into months and then before I knew it I had reached just over a year without touching my idea.
I don't know why I stopped, I guess you can say I was lazy and at the first hurdle I just walked away from it.
The idea was still in my head I just couldn't bring myself to put my idea into words anymore.
If I can be honest I think a large part of it was a lack of confidence in actually being able to write a story that could be a book, I mean I'm just an average guy, not some author so why try?
So I gave up without thinking twice, and it wasn't until a friend showed me that if you put your mind to it, you can beat that self-doubt and achieve your dreams.
My friend had also started working a book (Actually a series of books), and even though he hit similar walls like mine, he just kept at it.
I spent over a year getting bits and pieces of his stories and discussing his story with him over and over and i got to watch his idea become a book.
When i was sitting there holding a book with my friends name published on the front i had a thought "Hey this was just his idea at the start and look at it now, i should do that with my idea too".
Now I'm not trying to say that my attempt at writing a book will be as good as his (I love his book and think it is amazing and personally recommend it as a must buy for everyone.
I will share a link below to the website you can look at it on and buy) but he is just regular guy like me, and I should get back to my idea.

So with a new sense of purpose I grabbed my story and read it over and decided to tweak things in it, so I basically started over.
I think it is better now than how it was originally (There is a sample of it in my blog "To write or not to write").
But my confidence left me again, and as I was sitting there on my laptop, I found myself ignoring my story and falling down the rabbit hole that is you-tube.
I let my brain turn off and wasn't really paying attention until I found a Kevin Smith Q&A.
I have always found his Q&A's interesting and there was a something that he said in response to the question "How do you find the time to do all the amazing things you do and still be a normal father, husband, etc.
His answer stuck with me and hopefully will help me get my book back on track.
He told the audience a story about his dad passing away and his realisation that the only guarantee in life is that we all are going to die and we really have no idea when it will happen, so we need to fill our lives with as much as possible.
He then went on to explain that the world we live in now is very cynical and full of why people (People who question your life choices like "Why are you trying to write a book?").
The key to succeeding in this world is to ignore the whys and instead ask why not and take a shot because the shot is always worth taking.
Listening to his story i realized that the biggest why person in my life was me, i was preventing myself from taking the shot and i decided that i am no longer going to question myself and I'm going to finish my story, maybe it wont become a book like my friends story did but i will never have that chance to find out if i don't try so watch this space as i take my shot and hopefully the words of wisdom that i took from Kevin Smith and tried to spread with my words here reach some people and help them take there shot.

If you think this message applies to you or people you know share my story around and help others achieve their dreams an also, please click on the link below to check out my friend's book.

http://www.amazon.com/Revelations-Twenty-one-Blades-Volume-1/dp/0473281937

Riding the Waves to a better future

Well it has been 6 months since I have put anything up on here and I have vowed to myself that I will actually start to be more consistent with my blog, I am going to get some help in regards to that so hopefully there will be more up soon so just watch this space.

I think the main roadblock I have been facing is that I’m not sure what I want this to be for (Humor, my thoughts, my life, etc.).
Once I figure out what I want to say to all of you then I should hit the ground running, I know I can ramble on in these too but hopefully, with the assistance I get in the near future I will be able to refine my writing style.

But for now I thought I would just write down a little something that I was discussing with a close friend recently, and hopefully, it reaches someone and makes a difference for them.

This time last year it felt like my life was falling apart, my girlfriend left, I was unhappy at my job, my family was having struggles, I always felt broke, and I couldn’t see anything getting better anytime soon.

Now a fault that I personally have is that when everything goes to shit for me I hold it in and I don’t really tell many people what is going on.
Thankfully the people I had talked to about everything was going on were very supportive and were always there for me to talk to or vent to when I needed it and I would not be where I am right now if I didn't have that love and support from my friends and family.

The past 6 months I have worked on being more open with people about anything I am going through.
Not to get sympathy or to make excuses for myself just to let more of my friends and family into how I feel and it has made me feel a lot better, it is very emotionally taxing to hold in all your problems and stresses are try to deal with them on your own.

The point I want to make, and the reason I am writing this is that I was talking to a friend not that long ago who is going through some rocky times and didn't know what to do, I told them what I did and as cliche as it may sound it actually worked for me.

I advised that no matter how bad things seem you need to keep positive and be thankful for the things you have and stop focusing on what is going wrong because if you do that, you miss what is going right.

They brushed it off, but I explained what I had gone through and what I did to change my mindset.
For example, my girlfriend left me but instead of being constantly down and gloomy I started to look it from another angle in that she wasn’t right for me and I wasn’t actually that happy when we were together and I would find the right girl for me.
Fast forward to now, and I have found the most amazing girl I have ever met and have never been happier (More on this amazing woman in a future blog).

I was unhappy in my job and always felt like I had no money, but I switched that to being happy because I had a job and had enough money to pay the bills and feed myself which is a lot more than other people have.

By just tweaking your mindset and thinking with a glass half full approach reduces the stress you put on yourself and the happier you are with yourself, the more things work out in your favour.
The key is just to be positive and ride the waves through any storms you face, and you will come out better on the other side.

I was struggling with just trying to think more positive, so I actually started to write down things and people I was thankful for (My blog on Christmas day was a significant step forward for my mindset where I wrote a thank you list for 2014 -  have a read if you haven’t seen it already).

If I can reach one person on here that is going through bad times and help them change their mindset than I will be happy, hopefully, this helps more than that, but one person is a good start.

The world is an amazing place with unlimited opportunities you just have to open yourself up to see it.

Until next time

Brad

To write or not to write

Hi all

I haven't updated the blog in a little while, but I have actually started trying to write my attempt of a book after 2-3 years of avoiding putting pen to pad (Or more accurately fingers to keyboard).
I have started afresh with a slightly different concept, and hopefully this time I will actually get to complete it.

But I thought I would put a section up on here and get feedback, so have a read of the below and let me know what you think and if I should continue with my story or not.

Appreciate any feedback.

The cold air hit Steve as he stared out at the Valhedge skyline from his balcony, the city was a hive of activity, and it was rubbing off on him as he hadn't slept for days.

He pushed himself away from the railing and made his way back inside towards the bathroom.

Staring at his reflection in the mirror sickened him, he was six foot two, and his muscular frame was beginning to look worse for wear.

His once jet black hair was now speckled with grey and he wore the face of a fifty-year-old when he was in fact on thirty-eight, his life as a Detective in Valhedge had aged him dramatically.

He recalled a time he had once decided to retire from this job and rushed home to let his wife Michelle know the goods news only to find her in bed with their marriage counsellor Jason Thorne.

The irony of that situation now makes him laugh but back then it was the night everything fell apart for him, and the ongoing divorce settlement was killing him slowly every day.
The legal system had always repulsed him, and he was appalled that he was being made to look like the bad guy in this divorce even though Michelle had been the one cheating.

He stared down at his gun and wondered how many times he had actually thought about ending his pain right there in that bathroom.

The job that he hated so much was now the only thing in his life that had not let him down, and because of this, he threw himself completely into the job in a way that concerned his colleagues and even disturbed himself.

His cell phone sprung to life and brought Steve back to earth, at this time of night it could only be work related, so he resisted the urge of ignoring it and picked it up.

“Detective Taylor Speaking”

“Steve word is we have a body down by the Honeypot” replied the unmistakable voice of his partner.

“Alexis what a pleasant surprise” he replied, in the dark world he inhabited the only shining light was Alexis, her upbeat attitude never faulted despite the terrible things she had seen so far in her career.

“I’m on my way there now Steve, meet me there, word from the station is that this one is a bit of a mess.”

“What do you mean by mess?” he asked,
“Well the victim is some kind of socialite and whoever killed her left a note with the body and …..” Alexis' voice trailed off as if she did not want to finish the sentence.

“Ok I will be there as soon as I can, see you soon” Steve answered realising that Alexis was uncharacteristically unsettled and it would be better to finish the conversation at the crime scene.

Steve quickly rushed to get dressed and made his way down to the Honeypot.